


If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put 'U' and 'I' together

by Dresupi



Series: TaserTorch [3]
Category: Fantastic Four (Movies 2005-2007), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Cheesy, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gift Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9550277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dresupi/pseuds/Dresupi
Summary: “Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?”  Johnny asked, grinning broadly as he strutted past Darcy’s desk with enough confidence for four fully grown peacocks.She groaned, propping her head on her hand.  “That was the worst one yet, Storm.”  Corny pickup lines had been exchanged between them for the better part of an hour, and yet somehow each one of Johnny’s was worse than the one before it.He scoffed loudly, sliding into a seated position on her desk. He folded his arms. “I’ve got a zillion more that are even worse.”





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JanetSnakehole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JanetSnakehole/gifts).



> “We keep telling each other pick up lines and I thought this was a funny game, but it turns out you were serious?? oh” AU (from this post on [tumblr](http://dailyau.tumblr.com/post/154217707944/we-keep-telling-each-other-pick-up-lines-and-i), from tumblr user [paintdripps](http://paintdripps.tumblr.com/))

“Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?”  Johnny asked, grinning broadly as he strutted past Darcy’s desk with enough confidence for four fully grown peacocks. 

She groaned, propping her head on her hand.  “That was the worst one yet, Storm.”  Corny pickup lines had been exchanged between them for the better part of an hour, and yet somehow each one of Johnny’s was worse than the one before it.  

He scoffed loudly, sliding into a seated position on her desk. He folded his arms. “I’ve got a zillion more that are even worse.”  

She rolled her eyes.  “They’re gonna have to wait, I’m afraid.”  

He made a sad puppy face, knitting his brows, poking out his bottom lip, and looking completely too adorable for his own good.  If she was being honest, he looked too adorable for his own good for a good portion of the time.  Dude was hot.  And no, that wasn’t a Human Torch pun. Johnny Storm was absolute perfection.  A perfect combo of raw sexuality and just a twinge of boy-next-door.  She seriously could see him hosing off some muscle car next door to Carly Rae Jepsen.  Ripped jeans and all.  

It’d be a Trans Am.  The car.  A red trans Am.  With flames painted on the side.    

“I’m serious…I have a doctor’s appointment,” she insisted, breaking herself out of the daydream of Johnny in ripped jeans.    

“Everything okay, Darce?”  He sounded half-way worried.  Go figure.  Good thing she’d been gunning for him to answer in precisely that wording.  

“Yeah.  I’m just lacking in Vitamin U.”  She winked and sat back in her chair, spinning around in it once.  Johnny’s groans were music to her ears.  

“Okay, how can you say mine was worse than that one?  That one was just…god.  The cheese, Darcy.  THE CHEESE.  What if I was lactose intolerant?”  

“Dude, if you can’t handle the cheese…get out of…” She paused for a moment, thinking.  “Get out of the cheese factory.” She made a hand gesture that couldn’t decide if it was dropping a bomb or a mic.  Either one worked, she figured.    

He laid back across her desk, which placed his face directly below hers.  It’d be super easy to just lean down and kiss him.  Upside down. His lips looked so…damn kissable.  Dammit.    

“Do you have a map?” he asked, his voice low. Bright blue eyes stared up directly into hers.  “I’m getting lost in your eyes.”  

She shook her head with a chuckle, standing up and reaching for her bag to hide the fact that she was blushing.  “I actually  _ do _ have to go…”  Crossing the floor, she turned back to see him hopping up to a standing position.  She didn’t dare let her eyes wander, no matter how badly they wanted to.  

Didn’t matter anyway, she had that physique memorized.  From his broad shoulders to his narrow waist, to the way his ass filled out those jeans.  She’d heard stories about the days back when Johnny first got his powers.  Apparently he’d burnt though clothing like there was no tomorrow.  Oh to be a fly in the wall and catch a glimpse of that ass.    

She held the door open for him to leave ahead of her.  He moved to the side to allow her to pass in the hallway.  She felt sort of on display as she walked in front of him.  But she probably didn’t need to worry.  Johnny didn’t date.  Johnny devoured.  And he devoured women who could put her to shame on about sixteen points.  Darcy was pretty sure she wasn’t even a blip on his radar.  Not even the tiniest of blips.  Not even the blips that you see and they turn out to be a sea turtle or something.  

Nope.  Darcy Lewis wasn’t even a sea turtle near Johnny Storm’s submarine.  Whatever the hell kind of metaphor that was.

“Hey Lewis.  Your dad a baker?”  

“A what?” She turned to look at him as she approached the elevator button.  “A baker?  No?”  

“Just wondering…cuz you’ve got some sweet buns.”  

She laughed aloud, reaching over to swat him as they both boarded the elevator.  “You’re terrible, J. Absolutely terrible.”  

“Not too terrible, I hope…” he countered, leaning back against the back wall of the elevator.  “Hey, so…where you headed off to?  Are you really going to the doctor?”  

She giggled.  “No.  I only have a half-day on Fridays.  I get out at lunch.”  

“That’s nice of Pepper.”  

“Eh.  It’s in lieu of having an actual weekend.  I get out at lunch on Friday, don’t come in until two on Saturday, and I have Wednesday off completely. 

“So that means you’re free tonight?  Or do you have plans?” he asked hopefully.  

Or maybe she was just making that up.  Maybe  _ she _ was the hopeful one.  It was entirely possible.  She’d read too much into tone before.  He was probably just making small talk so the elevator ride wasn’t awkward as balls.  

She shook her head.  “Nope.  No plans, that is.  Just gonna go get groceries and then probably head home to cook dinner.”  

He reached over to nudge her shoulder with his hand.  “How about  _ I _ come with, and I cook  _ you _ dinner tonight?  We can totally veg out on the couch.  Netflix and chill, maybe?”  He arched his eyebrow.  

“Are you serious?”  Darcy asked, completely taken aback.  “You’re asking me to Netflix and  _ chill _ with you?” Not that she looked down on people who  _ did _ ‘chill’, she just wasn’t capable.  Darcy had no chill.  That was a given.   

“What?  No!  I mean…yes, but no?”  He frowned, looking to be at a loss for words.  Which was funny. Because he had a whole sentence of them before.  ‘Chill’ being the one that was echoing in Darcy’s mind.    

“That’s what you do, isn’t it?  Jeebus Blob Almighty, Johnny…”  She shook her head.  “Dude…you can’t even say that you don’t know what ‘Netflix and Chill’ means.  I mean, I guess with you it’s ‘Netflix and Burn’…but still.  C’mon…”  

He followed her out of the elevator.  “Darcy…wait…”  

“No way…I’m not a bedpost notch.  Nothing wrong with it, but you know I need more than that…I make that quite clear.  No misunderstandings for me, thanks.  I had enough of that crap with Ian.” 

Ian had just wanted sex.  She thought she could get him to want more.  Turned out to be heartache for both of them.  Not to mention how it ruined their friendship.  Nope.  No way was she going to ruin her friendship with Johnny just because she was thinking with her lady parts instead of her brain.  No matter what the image of a nude Johnny Storm did to said lady parts.    

“Just…wait a second, woman…” His tone was insistent, but his body language spoke differently.  He didn’t grab at her, his hand merely brushed against her shoulder.  His fingertips felt warm even through the sleeve of her blouse.  He let his hand drop, but she still stopped and turned to face him, crossing her arms across the front of her in feigned impatience.  

“What?” she asked, a little softer than she’d been before. She got the impression that he was trying.  

“Look.  I’m not the best at this, Darce…believe it or not.  That’s why I don’t date.  I’m terrible at asking women out. I usually just end up with whoever’s able to read my not-so-subtle hints.  Which is why nothing lasts…because it’s never serious…”  He stopped, running his hand through his hair.  “Look.  I’m not making up excuses.  I just…I know you need more.  And it’s not that I’m opposed to the idea.  I’m not.  I just didn’t want to inflict  _ this _ …” He gestured vaguely to himself. “On someone else.  But oh my god, Darcy.  I can’t stop thinking about you, babe.  I look at you and think maybe…maybe I could give you more.  I know you need it.  And I’m going to try to give it…I swear I’m nothing but a…” he trailed off.  

“A hot mess?” she filled in, smirking slightly and leaning back on her hip.  

He mirrored her expression, relaxing a little.  “Yeah.  With a literal emphasis on the hot part.”  He snapped his fingers, a tiny flame appearing briefly before he extinguished it.  

“So what are you offering here, Johnny?  Spell it out real slow-like.”  

“Well…for one…dinner?  I can cook a mean steak, so I’m told.”  

“And I can eat a mean steak.  So I’m told,” she replied.  “What else? Not that food isn’t the way to my heart or anything like that…”  

“Netflix.  No chill…unless you want chill?  If not, then just Netflix.”  

“You’d be okay with no chill?” Darcy asked.  

“Sweetheart, we don’t have to chill until you’re ready.”  

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she slowly nodded her head.  “Okay.  Steaks.  Some kind of cheesy potatoes on the side or no deal, Storm.”  

He grinned.  “I think I can manage that…”  Johnny reached out to take her hand.  “Don’t you want to know about what happens after tonight?”  That hopeful expression was back.  And it was definitely hopeful.  

“I think we can just play it by ear,” she said with a nod.  “I don’t need to know what ‘more’ is, I just need to know there will be more.”  He laced their fingers and she started walking towards the door, pulling him along after her.  “C’mon.  Let’s hurry and go to the store.  Your body is sixty-five percent water and I’m thirsty.”  

 

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://dresupi.tumblr.com/)!


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